Today I met with the teacher I am supposed to be partnering with for next school year. I had met her before as an acquaintance, visited with her peripherally; but I hadn't ever really had a lengthy conversation with her prior to this past week.
Have you ever heard that "your heart is where your treasure is"? How about "your perception determines your reality"? What we focus on, highlight in our minds and hearts, affects every part of our lives. I heard a story of a woman that hated her job. She disliked her coworkers - found them uncooperative and unhelpful. She sat down with a career counsellor and asked for assistance in finding a new job, one she could love. The counsellor asked the woman to make a list of everything she loved about her job: from little details like assigned parking to the fact that she was being paid. At first she had a hard time coming up with anything for her list. Eventually, however, she had a list of 31 things she liked about her job. The counsellor requested that, for the next month, the woman read the list to herself before going to bed each night and work every morning. At the end of the month, the woman was amazed at how much the people around her at work had changed. She loved her job.
Today for 3 hours and close to 45 minutes, this teacher spoke specifically about the problems at this school. The problems with the schedule. The problems with the teachers and administrators. There was not one positive thing said... Not one time did she say "I love how the kids..." or "The third grade team is amazing..." She shared that she feels unappreciated, humored, etc... And, apparently the teacher that held my position before me was incompetent and a tattler.
Partly, I'm thinking this could not have come at a worse time. I am so hoping that I'll be able to get pregnant on this next cycle and, from all indications, it appears that this will be a stressful year. I was discussing this lengthy conversation with my mother and felt really defeated. She isn't aware of my plans for this next month but I just shared with her how apprehensive this makes me feel about the coming school year. I know I am supposed to believe that God is sovereign and all will work out as it should. I struggle with that. I have trouble letting go on faith and trusting.
So I guess now it's up to me as far as where MY focus will be after this conversation. What will I do? If the economy was better, I think I'd be looking for another job. But this is where I am now: it's up to me to focus on the positive. To look for the good, expecting to find it.
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