Doctor Tomorrow

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow.  I scheduled it last week, I thought, to confirm that I was pregnant. Now it seems really hard to be going for the opposite reason.

It's probably normal to be nervous about what might be said, isn't it?

From what I read online, there's nothing I could have done to prevent this. The fact that I got up and exercised Saturday morning for the first time in a long time has nothing to do with me losing this.  All the stats keep rolling through my head - it was the beginning of the sixth week - a very common time for miscarriage. I didn't do anything wrong. 

Except that what I've read says that something was wrong and while I didn't do anything exactly, maybe something was wrong with my egg... Maybe I should have been taking supplements? Earlier in the week, I picked up an alto xylophone at school to demonstrate for a class - maybe I shouldn't have done that. So did I do something wrong?

But it's not supposed to have been something that could be controlled or altered. If it can't be controlled, how do I stop this from happening next time? How are you hopeful but not building hopes up too high?

And has anyone noticed that in the brilliant timing of the mob on facebook, we now have people claiming to be "weeks along and craving" to raise awareness for breast cancer?  How exactly is that supposed to help breast cancer?? It sure doesn't do me any good - those status updates hurt...

I'm not giving up. One try and done, that was the hope and dream! But I knew the reality was that it could be much harder.  When I called S on Sunday to tell him, we talked about how we'd keep trying.  So now my hopes and prayers move to the next try.

So what will the doctor have to say??